The “Battleship” and “Monopoly” movies are for realsies, so it seemed natural that Settlers would get the Hollywood treatment. “Battleship” has Liam Neeson in it, which unfortunately adds a bit of austerity to the project. I don’t know, does he still have credo following “The A-Team”? Anyway, it’s about American Naval types fighting invisible aliens. Again, that’s not a joke.

“Monopoly” is being directed by Ridley Scott, and is supposed to explore themes of greed and presumably, the superiority of cars versus thimbles. And the importance of winning beauty pageants if you want to diversify your portfolio.

I think that a “Settlers” screenplay would write itself. You can play around with the harsh realities of colonialism, with food and shelter appearing due to the whim of Fate. I think that the scene where the Port Machine churns a bunch of metal ore into an army of sheep robots would be pretty cool. Ron Howard (or any other seemingly-friendly Hollywood hotshot), if you’re interested in my pitch, send me an email! Let’s do lunch!